I haven't left the house much since returning home from the hospital except to walk the dog in the mid-afternoon when I am unlikely to see another person I know. The few exceptions include going to counseling every week, trips to the bank and a few off-time visits to the grocery store. I have found that going anywhere around people makes me feel anxious and sweaty--literally insanely wet armpits have occurred. Even at home, when focusing on work I am having issues. I was working on an email and while it was somewhat of a politically delicate email, normally I could have written and sent it in 10 minutes. The first realization that there was an issue became apparent when I noticed that it took me about 40 minutes to write. In addition I had had to keep rereading what I had written because I couldn't remember which parts I had already said and which needed to be constructed. The more obvious problem for anyone who has to look at me is that I was totally sweaty in the pits, to the point that I had to get up and change my shirt even though I was home alone. I think this is a clear indication that I am really not fit for anything but taking care of my babies, even in their absence.
Two very kind co-workers are coming over on their lunch break tomorrow and I have to take the doglet to the vet. I am testing myself. Can I actually see them or will I cancel at the last minute? What will we talk about during this lunch? Will I be able to drive out to the vet? If there is something wrong* with our dog, what will happen then? How many times will I have to change my shirt? Will I sweat through a shirt and a sweatshirt?
Love you S and G.
*K has an odd growth on her tail.