Laughter hasn't been to frequent of a visitor lately, but there have been some moments, particularly when with people who deeply understand loss when I have laughed hard. I've had two responses, one is to feel like I am watching myself and a hollowness engulfs me and the other is to feel a little like I can't stop. The edge of hysterical. That has happened twice now. Has anyone else felt like this?
I find myself afraid to laugh too hard sometimes. I will feel the laughter turning into tears almost before it even begins. The harder I laugh...the worse it can be. You're not going crazy and you're not alone. I think pain is at the heart of most laughter (part of the reason sarcasm is so funny) and it's easy for something to be so bad it's funny, and so funny it's kind of sad. Sometimes you can't take crying so you laugh as hard as you would cry if you could. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteMany, many times. I wish I could give you the recipe or magic phrase to chase it all away but it's still MIA. Take care of yourself ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteI have stood on the edge of hysterical laughter. We went through a hard year and we would sometimes find ourselves laughing normally and then have it evolve into this sort of hysterical laughter/verge of tears. I think you just need to let your body do what it needs to do; to mourn, to heal.
ReplyDeleteYes, that has happened to me. I'm glad you have people you can be with to let it go - whether that's laughter, anger or tears.
ReplyDeleteLaughter is such a weird thing sometimes. My husband and I shared laughs in the hospital, with our boys, before they died and then right after. Not because we weren't upset or sad, but because there was part of us that was still happy that we had them at all. Let yourself feel however you want to feel, no apologies or regret necessary.
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