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Monday, January 11, 2016

Everything happens for a reason.

Everyone reading this blog has probably heard that phrase and felt upset or angry or understands why that would be, you know, maybe not the worst thing you could say to a grieving parent, but definitely in the top five.  The other concepts that I have issues with are that positive thinking can change an outcome as well as that previous awful things had to happen to make whatever hoped for outcome occur now.

A close friend's parent was just diagnosed with a particularly awful cancer on Saturday and they are in the deep end--overwhelmed, scared with no plan in place.  We were driving out of town to go to the mountains to try to find some peace and be still with each other when we got the SOS.  We turned around.  I would never make these moments be about me or us but it was a real challenge. I do not believe things happen for a reason.  I believe things happen and we try to figure out how to go on.  I do not want to shake any of the very tentative supports the family is trying to hold onto.  It was a hard day.  

Not as hard as it was for the family.  I know that.


  1. Holding your friend and her parent in my heart. I agree with this so deeply: "I believe things happen and we try to figure out how to go on."

  2. I saw an article some time in the past month about the concept of, "everything happens for a reason" and it really resonated with me (yes, the author felt it was one of the worst things to ever say). If my brain relents, and allows me to find it again, I'll come back with the link.

    I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's family. I'll be keeping them in my thoughts.

  3. Thinking of you, too. Being there for others often reminds us of our own pain. Especially if you're hearing phrases that remind you of those emotions that are the hardest to remember. Just because it's harder for the family doesn't mean that your feelings are not important.

  4. I'm so sorry to hear of your friend's parent's diagnosis. You are a good friend to be there for them, to rearrange your plans. I don't believe that things happen for a reason, either, and positive thinking is nice but doesn't actually change outcomes. Sometimes your actions are just intentional, and if things come together then they come together. It is perfectly understandable to feel so sad in the midst of this terrible news, even if it's not your parent. Empathy can be so powerful. Thinking of you, and of your friend.

  5. There are a lot of things in this world that don't make sense to me. So it doesn't mean that much to me whether there's a reason or not. Shit happens and you just have to get through it with dignity, courage and compassion.