And now it begins. It's a little false to think of this as a beginning because we've been super focused on the service for some time now and since last Friday all of our time has gone to doing physical things to get ready - preparing the yard, buying and planting flowers, cleaning, killing aphids, cleaning. 7 am to 9 pm on Saturday, for example. But tonight at 6 pm R's dad and wife arrived, after a day long flight, for our babies' memorial service. We have both taken Thursday and Friday off work to prepare. And so it has begun.
R's dad is a retired pastor and is officiating the service, I have never seen him preach, this is an odd way to experience something that was a central part of R's life. I am not religious, R is not either at this point in her life. R's dad has agreed to present the service we have written and we created a space for him to speak as a grandfather and to include religion if he would like. R's dad's wife, S is reading a poem R's aunt wrote and there is a call and response poem as well as music. We are also speaking, we each wrote something and then spliced it together so it goes back and forth between us. I have no idea how it will feel to stand up and speak our sorrow and love. I hope this goes well.
By this, I mean the service, having house guests for almost a week, surviving, all of it.
I wish I meant, I hope being parents goes well. I wish this was a beginning not an ending.